NNMN – Hanuman

Hey Vaplings. So I’d heard amazing tales of juices from far away in the mystical land of Malaysia. I’d found a site which stocked over 350 flavours brewed on Malaysian soil and all of them looked awesome (even the weird Yakult ones ….. in reality they clearly can’t have tasted Yakult as its basically the sludge left in the bottom of the fridge when you forget about a punnet of strawberries and finally work out where the smell is coming from) but damnit i wanted them all. I made up a basket of about 15 bottles which I whittled down to 5….then back up to 12 and then down to 3…this process went on for several hours before deciding that one was like my holy grail of juices. Decision made and check out confirmed I was met with a shipping bill for £20 for 1 20ml bottle. Order cancelled website closed in a strop I decided to Google the brand incase there was a uk stockist. Halallujah there was! Despite the robbing bastards charging 3x what the juice cost abroad and then charging shipping I begrudgingly paid up. A small price really if it was the juice of legend and here I have it in hand. I’ve had it for 3 days but because Ive been reviewing hard I’ve literally not had time to vape something of my own personal choosing but tonight’s the night.

Nnmn – Hunanandjfhwgeifhsgdb.

I literally cant be arsed to try and work out the spelling again (scroll up if you need to see it again). I’ll just give you the profile deets.

This is a banana flavored ejuice with a delicious baked flavor that pierces your taste buds. It’s a delicate blend of subtle coconut hints mingled with the baked crust traditional to banana cake, mixed together in the perfect 55/45 VG/PG blend with a color that of liquid gold. We assure you there’s nothing like NNMN haNuman in the market, an out of the world banana flavor.

If your a regular reader you’ll know that that right there is my Mecca. The gates of Valhalla lay before me and all I need do is enter.

Lid off I stumbled upon my first problem a flat plastic stopper with a hole too big for a needle to draw juice without spilling and too small to come out on a dripper without giving myself cramp squeezing another stupidly hard bottle.

It’ll be worth it, this is my grail I will find a way! Thankfully I found a twist cap from somewhere with a screw dripper top which fit perfectly! Game on.

Lid up – Erm, pretty sure that’s essence of headache right there. Banana concentrate so harsh the bottle should be labeled with COSH symbols to warn for eye irritants. If there is anything else In this vape it’s out of action till I can cut through this banana face rape.

Inhale – *blinks* Synthetic banana with a lovely powder coating. Like having a moth fly into your mouth and have a seizure. As you hold the vapour in your lungs the fumes permeates your brain and I may or may not be hermoraghing at this moment in time. Turning the temp control down seems to make a slight difference in that it takes longer to get to the hermoraghing stage. I’m almost disappointed there’s no throat hit. Seems fitting to make it a razor blades vape at this stage.

Exhale – The banana takes a less synthetic turn now and just tastes like banana foam sweets this could be due to the protective powdered coating I’m accumulating over the cells in my mouth. No cake or coconut to speak of but im getting a wonderful chest tightness and a possible collapsed lung developing.

Conclusion – If you like the idea of vaping genetically grown monkey urine then this is for you. I can see why the Malaysians are apparently mad for Western juices (they are often priced double the cost of the local juices) if this is one of their most popular brands. I’m torn between vaping it all just because I bought it or tossing it in the bin. I’d still try more Malaysian juice but only if I was strapped down and a gas mask applied to my face.